What is Real?
What is real to me is considered stupid or just my imagination. Some occurances
in my life have given me a lot to think about since I have come to know Jesus.
When Pastor Ron first asked me to give my testimony I did not think I
had a testimony to give. I have since then found out that every Christian should
have a testimony every day to the Glory of God.
I have remembered things that seemed normal to me but out of the ordinary to
others. I thought it was just a couple of incidents, but when I remembered one
thing it led to another so I will just share a few.
As a small child there was times of seeing images, me floating down stairs and the
sensation of lightning striking me. This before the age of five. Later in my grade
school years there was footsteps leading from the house in the snow and
disappearing at the edge of the yard with no other tracks around.
If you are wondering did I have a normal childhood. I say yes, a loving family
and Church which I always looked forward to. I loved everyone and did not like
to see anyone hurting inside or out.
I had an experience in the 6th grade which hardened my heart against some.
I was always brought up to be proud of who and what you are. We had to do a
report on an important person for English class. Being Native American with my
grandma being a full blood Blackfoot and my moms ancestry includes Apache
and Cherokee. I wrote my report on Sitting Bull since my grandma was in the
camp when he died. Of course I thought I would get an A. Instead of an A
when I got the report back the teacher drew a big red F on the front page.
Throughout the report was red markings of "A pig is better than an indian", I
would rather teach a pig than you" it went on throughout the report. No one can
make me believe that old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but
words will never hurt me". I have never since liked people who made fun of
I guess the voices started when I was a teen as far as I can remember. It called
my name every day. When they first began I would always go to see what my
mama wanted, but it was not her. After hearing the voice so often I ignored it.
When I was a Jr. in high school I got a job working for a paper. I loved the job,
but one of the things I did not count on was seeing my stool turning around by
itself. I inspected the chair very well when I looked around to see that no one
else was in the office yet. Then the "girl who I called Marlene" started walking
through the office on occasion and saying my name or singing. I asked others if
they saw her and all but one lady said they had not. On one of the occasions when she was there I followed her but she
disappeared beside a machine. The last time I saw her full faced she told me to
come with her. Needless to say I got scared. When I told my mama she asked
me why I did not follow her to see where she was going to take me. I remember
telling mama that I did not think I wanted to go to where that girl came from. She
was in my life until a few years ago.
There were, I will call them dreams some were hurtful to others (I knew this
because they would be in the newspaper the next day) and some after telling of
them helped others from getting injured.
I became very protective of anyone getting their feelings hurt especially my kids.
One of the curses I regret the most was on a little boy for making fun of one of
my boys, or the woman who would take advantage of everyone, who ended up
hurting her three children. There were others but these were the ones with the
children getting hurt.
For years and every where I lived I looked for someone I could relate to. What
was a normal life for me was not understood by anyone that I would meet. Some
would remain my friends, and some would laugh about the life I had. I have
always known that when I was born I had a purpose, since God gives us all a
purpose, we just have to accomplish that goal. If this was a normal life others
should know what I was talking about, and have the same experiences. I
searched for someone, anyone for thirty years who would understand and to tell
me that I was normal. Just to hear those words! I finally found that special bond
with a woman in TX. We became blood sisters. There were four others who
we became sisters with, but they were not as close. She and I have been
through so much together that for now I can't tell of it all. We would have ceremonies together and
individually to take the pain away from the ones we loved by doing fleshofferings
and taking the pain on ourselves. I would give fleshofferings for for when she
was in some kind of pain. It got to where I could call her and identify the pain
without her ever telling me. We had the same dreams at the same time. We
understood each other, and accepted each other. I did not think anything I was
involved in was wrong until I started asking questions. I called a psycic to ask a simple
question, and she told me I was out of her league and hung up on me. I thought
they were supposed to know everything. I did not want to give fleshofferings
anymore, something was making me uneasy about it. Then I started questioning
other things. I found out pretty quick that it was easier to give offerings and have
other ceremonies than to be sitting on the couch with everyone gone, feel
someone sit down beside you and start beating you and end up bruised. Being
levitated off of my bed and fighting to try to get down. Some things I continued to do but others I did not. I figure I must have made
someone or something mad. That is when attacks started and I knew I was in
trouble, but this is the only life I had ever known.
Have I ever tried talking to a professional? Yes. That was a big mistake That was the
last time I talked to a "doctor". I am glad this was before my experiences
started to be a 24 hour a day occurance, and what I have lived in Texas.
I promised my kids that when we moved back to IL that I would start taking
them to Church. I knew that God could help me. The only prayer I could
remember and repeated was Now I lay me down to sleep. When we moved up
here I found a Church but when I first tried to step into the door I felt dirty and
that I should not desecrate Gods Holy Ground. After that Church I searched for
the answers I needed from several of the Churches. I would leave one service
and drive to another town if I had time on my side to go into another service. I
would drive up and down the highways not knowing where to go. I felt desperate
and that I did not have time left to search, for what I don't really know. I knew
from experience that if I talked to someone I would just end up in a "hospital"
somewhere. I thought at one time to just end my life that way my family would
not have to deal with it any more, and I got to where I started to beleive I was
crazy. It was time to talk to someone!
I tried talking to Preachers they either did not understand what I was talking
about or did not know what to do. I figured that this is just the life I was going to
live. This is what I considered normal, and I refused to talk to anyone about it
again. I gave up but
I just got released from the hospital after having a heart attack, and could
not go back to work just yet. I praise God that I was at home. Pastor Ron
showed up at my door. I don't remember him even coming inside at first, or if we
even talked for a while before God started doing His work. All I really remember
is breaking down crying, I don't remember what I said, and Pastor Ron speaking
Gods Word and praying. I felt like I had lost a lifetime. We set up some prayer
sessions and as the Holy Spirit would reveal things to me I would be delivered
from the situation. Each time we prayed I thought it can't get any better than this,
but praise God it does. Some sessions I don't remember, all I know of them is
that I can tell that the change and freedom has taken place.
I thank God that He sent to my door His servant Pastor Ron Walker in the
deliverance ministry. This type of ministry is so important for those of us who
thought we had no hope or did not think that we could ever be used by God. I
say that because even after rededicating my life to Jesus the demons of hell or the
familiar spirits knows exactly what to place in your mind to tear you down and
make you inactive. You have heard storm the gates of hell and take back what
you have given over or what Satan has stolen from you. I beleive in one sense
those gates can be inside, so satan and his demons need to be driven out and an
invitation to the Holy Spirit to come and fill those areas. That is when the
darkside can not use your past or anyone elses against you and your ministry.
There are a lot of people in this world Christian and non-Christian that are bound,
and feel that there is no hope. We need to spread the Word to them and to
Pastors that demonic activity is rampid in and out of Church and that there is
freedom and people looking for it. We need to be prepared to give it to them
Christian and non-Christian alike through the power of the blood of Jesus Christ.
A lot of Spiritual Housecleaning needs to be done everyday. My Lord Jesus
Christ took my place on that cross so long ago to give me the freedom that I
enjoy and cherrish today. You can have this freedom too! He has put forth His
hand as an invitation. Just take His hand and never, never let go. He loves you so
much and there is always room for you at the cross.
You can be dilivered from Fear, Depression, Hatred, Oppression, Anger, and so much
more by the Grace of God. What does it cost you? Nothing. Jesus paid the price in
full on the Cross!
One of the most beneficial sites on the web that I have found is:
Thank you Toni. All Glory be to GOD our Father!
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